


Curse you, Perry the...Panda?

by CelesteFitzgerald



Series: Perryshmirtz Week 2018 [3]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Body Swap, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 09:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16323827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald
Summary: Heinz "invites" his two favorite OWCA agents over to see his new invention, the Swap-Inator - and they're the test subjects.





	Curse you, Perry the...Panda?

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz Week Day 3: Species Swap (I stretched the prompt a little bit, but I think it turned out fun)

Perry the Platypus burst into Heinz’s apartment right on schedule. He was always so obnoxiously _punctual_. Unfortunately, a certain someone else was _not_. After making sure that his nemesis was sufficiently trapped, Heinz checked his watch impatiently.

“Just hold on a minute, Perry the Platypus,” Heinz said when Perry gave him a confused look. “I don’t want to have to explain my scheme twice.” That certainly didn’t get rid of Perry’s confusion.

But Heinz knew what he was doing. After a few more seconds, another fedora-wearing agent arrived—and Perry was _not_ happy about it.

“Ahh, Peter the Panda, so nice of you to _finally_ join us,” Heinz said as he trapped him as well. Perry was still giving Peter the side-eye.

“I bet you’re wondering why you’re both here,” Heinz said. “Well, it wasn’t easy, but I managed to get a hold of one of OWCA’s communication devices and use it to lie to Peter the Panda, saying that Perry the Platypus was sick and he was being called in as the replacement, and now here we are.”

The two agents shared a look, their questions evidently still not answered.

“Ugh, why do you two have to be so _grumpy_ about this? Fine, fine, I’ll tell you about my scheme.” He started making his way toward his newest invention. “Behold, the Swap-Inator! When I fire the Swap-Inator at you, your minds will swap bodies. Then you’ll have so much trouble adjusting to your new bodies that you won’t be able to stop me from taking over the _Tri-State Area!_ ”

He carefully left out the part where he didn’t yet know _how_ he’d take over the Tri-State Area. Inators didn’t just build themselves, and it had already taken enough time to make the Swap-Inator; he hadn’t had time for another one that morning. But he was sure he’d figure something out when the time came.

“Well, since I’m already _behind schedule_ —” he glared at Peter “—let’s get started, shall we? Say goodbye to your coordination!” Heinz flipped a switch, and the Swap-Inator began charging up. In ten seconds, the body swap would be complete.

But as expected, both of the agents managed to break free of their traps, and they lunged at the Inator—or at least they _tried_ to. In their rush, they only made it halfway before colliding directly into each other.

Which gave the Inator just enough time to finish charging.

Heinz closed his eyes as the room filled with a bright light and a high-pitched whirring sound. Once the noise had stopped, he opened his eyes and was disappointed to see that nothing had apparently changed.

Then ‘Peter the Panda’ gave him an irritated glare that he would recognize anywhere.

“…It _worked_! Hah! Just _look_ at you, Peter the—no, Perry the—hmm.” Heinz put a hand to his chin in thought as the two agents shifted around, trying to figure out their new bodies. Their old names were a bit too confusing now, considering that Peter was no longer a Panda, nor Perry a Platypus. Heinz needed a new system.

“Okay, Perry the Panda and Peter the Platypus, what do you think of my Swap-Inator now?” Heinz excitedly looked to them for their reactions, but Perry the Panda just crossed his adorable little arms, and Peter the Platypus was too intrigued by his new, much-larger tail to pay any attention to Heinz.

Heinz sighed. “Really? I go to all this trouble to build the Swap-Inator and you can’t even— _ow_!”

He rubbed at his cheek where Perry the Panda had just kicked him. That _hurt_. How did he get used to his new body so quickly? Then again, Heinz remembered, this wasn’t the first time Perry had been in this type of situation; Heinz would never forget the strange occurrence of Perry the Teenage Girl.

Steadying himself, Heinz prepared for what _should_ be an easy fight. He looked between the two agents, then hurled himself toward Perry the Panda—who expertly ducked and countered by smashing Heinz’s head against the floor.

Well. This battle definitely wouldn’t be the easy victory that Heinz had planned on. He pushed himself up off the floor and turned around to see Peter the Platypus charging at him. Heinz dodged, but before Peter the Platypus reached him, he stumbled and crashed to the floor, giving Heinz a chance to literally kick him when he was down.

“Hah! Having some trouble with your webbed feet, are you?” Heinz said as he caught his breath. But he didn’t have much time, because Perry the Panda attacked again, jumping onto the back of Heinz’s head and blocking his eyes.

“Hey!” Heinz said, swatting at Perry the Panda’s paw—his very _soft_ paw. He didn’t remember _Peter’s_ paw being that soft when he was a panda.

Despite Heinz’s attempts, Perry’s paw didn’t budge, and he was caught off guard when he felt a large, flat tail swipe the back of his knees, knocking him to the floor. If he had been able to see, he _knew_ that the attack would have failed; it was so _weak_. Heinz had always thought that platypus tails were strong, but Peter the Platypus’ attack was a bit of a let-down.

Perry the Panda’s grip finally loosened on Heinz’s head, letting Heinz see Peter the Platypus’ fist coming straight for him. He stopped the fist with his hand and flung Peter across the room with ease. “What’s wrong, Peter the Platypus? Your puny little paws aren’t working for you?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Heinz saw Perry the Panda freeze. He turned and looked to see Perry narrowing his eyes and tapping his foot. “Oh, I didn’t mean that _your_ paws are puny, Perry the Panda…well, technically they _are_ your paws, but they seem _different_ when you’re not the one using them.”

That only earned Heinz another punch to the face, courtesy of Perry the Panda. “Ugh, see?” he said through the pain. “ _That’s_ what a punch should be like. Take notes, Peter the Platypus. P-Peter the Platypus?” Where had he disappeared to?

Heinz heard a noise behind him and spun around. “No!” He rushed toward his Swap-Inator, but it was too late—Peter the Platypus pressed the self-destruct button, and the room was filled with a bright light yet again.

When the smoke cleared, Heinz looked between the two agents, wondering if the effects had automatically reversed or if Peter would permanently be stuck in the body of _his_ nemesis. He waited as Peter—Perry— _whoever_ was in the platypus body looked down, patted their chest a few times, then gave him a familiar smirk.

Heinz let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “It’s nice to see you again, Perry the Platypus—no wait, I mean _curse you, Perry the Plat_ —er, Perry the Pan—Peter the Plat—oh _whatever_ , you know what I mean.”

Peter the Panda wasted no time in leaving, but Perry the Platypus, always full of surprises, walked over to Heinz—and leaned down to punch Heinz’s foot before heading for the door.

Yep, Heinz thought as he hopped around in pain, Perry the Platypus’ paws weren’t puny. Strong? Definitely. Cute? …Maybe a little. But _not_ puny.

And Perry the Platypus wasn’t going to let him forget it.


End file.
